This christmas elf is wearing our christmas stockings from off the tree....''I wear my santa boots''
So here we are, a bit belated to say so, but at the end of another year and the start of a new one. Phew. Another really fucking hard year that finally finished up.. well thank christ.
It's hard to look back on a year and try to make sense of everything that has happened. The key thing I take out of this year though, the one thing that is probably most important of all is to take the opportunities in front of you. My biggest opportunity this year has come in the last few months, and that is the opportunity to focus on my son, my art and my photography. The funny thing is that the opportunity was born out of a lot of pain and stress, and I begged and begged the world for something to give - for something to change - and suddenly it did. Miraculously. Things were so stressful and difficult that I would write on the steamed up glass wall of the shower every morning ''please please please'' begging the world to throw us a bone, for some opportunity to present itself. It just seems unbelievable that it did. It feel like I have come out of a big murky fog of stress into the light.
There is so much ahead in this coming year, a lot of hard work and learning, and a time to focus on long buried interests and passions. Time to focus on Trouble, exploring the island, making friends and some serious play time ( lots of firestations/airports/teaparties/painting and playdoh..not to mention bear hunts and dragon egg hunting).
I am halfway through an application to study my next masters degree...but am still a bit unsure...at this point anything that eats into my precious painting time doesn't quite seem so important. I have this strange inner tug of war between the need for creativity and for societal approval of my legitimacy : the desire to paint ( and take photos and be creative all day), and the sense that somehow that is not a real ''job''. It would be different if I was selling paintings and making money...but I'm really just learning technique at the moment.
I know it is stupid, but somehow ''study'' is slightly more legitimate as it could lead to future jobs...you know...Career track stuff. Ah, now, delving into the existential bullshit. Maybe I should, quite legitmately, that this one opportunity to just paint and focus on Trouble, and save my uni application for another year?
Right, well...I'll leave you on that note. Happy new year folks. I hope your coming year is as full as I hope mine will be.